Of Certain Goodbyes

Search; as diminutive as it sounds, search is a powerful word. One spends a lifetime searching for something, or another; searching for success, for peace, for happiness, for the right search, or for beauty. The search for beauty is an object of considerable beauty itself – for the abundance of beauty and the frequent futility of search despite the abundance of the object being searched for. But search is hardly the topic of this post.

Last goodbyes are an object of rare beauty, especially the ones that mark the end of a romantic relationship. In our search for familiarity and comfort, we tend to make our lives more and more banal, less and less memorable. An email or a text is a convenient substitute to such goodbyes in person. However, beauty is rarely ever found with convenience.  Think for once, of the most ordinary situation – the last goodbye of a couple. Suppose, of the two, one is the initiator of the goodbye – the person who signals that this must be the end. If both individuals are rational, there is to be no protest on part of the other person on such a goodbye, for this decision is unilaterally enforceable; there is nothing to be gained from protesting. Ideally, a relationship will continue only as long as both individuals can share the joys. It rests upon the initiator to choose the manner of the last goodbye. And, when done in person, the finality of such a goodbye, the common knowledge of it’s finality and the cascading memories while sitting across the table from that other person, is the rarest of experiences for both the individuals. Since it is the last goodbye, there is nothing to be gained from the relationship. However, the last goodbye in person is a beautiful thing in itself. It is a thing of great lament, then, that such beauty is often lost in convenience.

On Dimensions of Mind

This evening, let us question – in vain – the grandeur of the mind of multiple dimensions. And for the purpose, let us shelter some narrow constructs of measure (which will soon be obvious).

With the limited time you have, is it really desirable to want to desire everything that can be? To learn and be good at it all? If I have only the money to buy one ticket, wouldn’t it be better then if I desired for only one ride at the fair. Consider Lephidias who has a desire singleton: to sculpture. His mind strives tirelessly to perfect his art at all times and it’s beauty is his pleasure. If talent is not born out of desire, then his talent and his desire are – incidentally – the same. Tepigonuse has the same talent for the art, and desires it all the same. But unlike Lephidias, Tepigonuse desires much more. To him, the beauty of a well crafted conversation is just as appealing as the precision of his statue. When he is to die, he would not have lived at all without having understood the exact mechanics of a trebuchet or the mathematics related, and all other arts. In all the ways this story could be written, with all the possible beauty and detail, it would have to be so that Lephidias creates the greatest sculptures, and Tepigonuse wanders long many years and is lost in the labyrinth of all things beautiful. Would such a story far from what could have been, or has been? One then, calling forth the settled narrow construct of measure, might raise the said point. Time does not stop to take stock of the dimensions, it will do unto you what it does, and drive you closer to the inevitable bite of mortality, incessantly. If you take too long to decide on the ride, you will be pick-pocketed before you know; this fair is a crowded place.

The Detachment

You find yourself astonished at how Mr Greg reacted to that dent on his car, and you believe that it is not the most usual reaction, certainly not the one you would expect of yourself. When in fact it is, as you conclude on further analysis, though the fact still remains that you would not react in a similar fashion. You have rather unpleasant events the following days, but they don’t seem to matter a whole lot, you have an explanation to this phenomenon though, the obvious one. But it is on that certain unlucky day that u incur a huge loss when u realize that your disinterest or lack of grief is not explainable by any definition of maturity or sensibility, you know that you were not quite correct in your explanation. You are both happy and astonished at yourself, while people around you are trying to figure out the cause of your happiness on your own loss. You know your theory was flawed, you find yourself in a state where, to an extent, loss doesn’t seem to matter, while to any logical creature it surely would have had an anticipated effect upon. Though personal loss in emotional domain still do matter to you. You are now trying to discover if this is the final state, still bounded by the natural emotional constraints, or will these instincts erode away too, this might scare u for a while and should as this is an infinite loop of “concern and concern for the concern” as one might call it, what you do not realize is that it will not bother you to be least bothered about emotions when u are not bothered by them. And you will be most concerned when you realize the same. Will wait to discover the answer and someday add another line to this entry……………..

The Shrinking Lines

in that moment you realize that whatever you just said wasn’t actually necessary or had any value associated with it, but before this, it made perfect sense to you on several other occasions, this happens more often and you grow silent that evening, and maybe for a long time after that, the set of things of importance or worth the mention is shrinking by the day. It is not a consequence of any event in your surroundings or elsewhere. As days pass by you realize that there are lesser things to talk of, and not before long there’s almost nothing that makes sense talking about. You are as silent as you have ever been, calm and composed, but there’s something that’s not desirable, also you have already been accused of being dull and silent lately. You do the analysis but the inference was already obvious. And then it strikes you that you were never meant to speak because something was worth, though you still don’t know the “why?”, what you do know is that it is the most trivial things in life that you will be talking about more often than not, and you often know what to say now…….